What are the chances?

"I've waited 13 years," she said. "He'd better make an honest woman of me."

Even at 46 and a few times around the block, some women just don't get it.

Still in love

A couple was sitting next to me in the coffee shop, deep in conversation, and he held one of her hands in his two. "Well, isn't this a romantic scene," I said while putting on my coat to leave. He laughed and said they would be married 30 years next week. "Really?" she said.

I didn't want to tell her

but he'll probably never marry her--not if "we've been together 4 or 5 years." Living together, especially for reasons of money, is never a foundation for a solid marriage. Christmas holidays with his or her families are especially awkward.

Interestingly enough, money is the reason she gave for not having a wedding. Wonder why if 4 years of saving $500/month isn't enough for a nice wedding. As I figure it, that could be a $15,000 wedding with a lot left over for a down payhment on a house. But if that's what she wants to believe. . .

Married 48 years

I don't recall how we got started on the topic of how long we'd been married--talking to people in the coffee shop is not unlike talking to people on the bus. Somehow, we discovered we'd both been married 48 years. For me it's the same guy. For her it is 24 and 24. The first husband, the father of her children, she divorced. . . not sure why. . .but that sounds like the mid-life stray--probably his. The second one, she told me, is not worth mentioning, but he's the father of her step-children, and everyone is getting together for Christmas so she had some shopping to do. Her dislike for the man was almost palpable. A real don't tell, don't ask sort of thing, I think. How sad. Sounds like they will go the distance together. Maybe she likes his kids.

Dump Him, Honey

She was the morning, cheery, part-time, counter assistant when I first met her at the coffee shop. An English major. We joked she was going to write the “great American novel.” She was excited about graduating from college, and even took some time off in June 2003 to travel to New York to check into grad school.

I’ve stopped asking her about her plans. She now has an official store name tag. She has a title. And responsibilities. Doesn’t smile as much. She, or her parents, probably spent $70,000 on her education and she is figuring schedules, taking complaints about spilled coffee, ordering supplies, training new college students to take orders and doing quality checks.

Some mornings I see her making furtive phone calls before 6:30 on her cell phone. The smile and bouncy step are gone. I suspect she has settled. She hasn’t settled for marriage instead of career or grad school--the way my generation might have done in the 60s. She’s not even a fiancée. No, I suspect it is “significant-otherhood.” Or maybe just shacking up, with no commitment beyond next week-end.

Dump him, honey. Move on. He doesn’t deserve your talent and sense of humor. Chase your dream. There’s plenty of time later for guys who will waste their lives and yours sleeping in.